Despite my ridiculous brain, I’m quite high functioning. People meet me and think I’m weird but often it’s chalked up to quirkiness. Not many realise that I am actually quite insane. It’s true, I’m a master of deception.
When it comes to appearing sane, I have two main issues: a hyperactive imagination and incredibly sensitive emotions. Mixed together these qualities make an interesting (highly irritating) pair. Think of my brain as a tiny house for three very annoying gremlins. There is a loud noise – Gremlin One (imagination) gets spooked by the noise and becomes afraid. Gremlin Two (common sense) gets out of their cosy armchair and begins to say something about calmly analysing the situation – however, they are sucker-punched by Gremlin Three (imagination) who goes “I WAS FRIGHTENED BY LOUD NOISE THEREFORE LOUD NOISE SOMETHING VERY BAD WE’RE GONNA DIE”. With Gremlin Two unconscious on the floor, Gremlins One and Three proceed to burn the house down, screaming all the while.
Usually I’m able to calm the gremlins down before actually going mental.
Very late one night, I was lying in bed with the curtains open. There was a bright, full moon. At some point I looked away, and when I looked back, the moon had moved.
I sat up straight and realised that if I stared at the moon long enough, I could see it moving across the sky. But did it usually move that fast? I couldn’t remember. What if it didn’t usually move that fast? What if it was moving faster than usual because it was falling towards Earth?
And that was it. Emotions and imagination had hogtied common sense, and I started to panic. I ran to the window and pressed my face against it. What was I supposed to do? Did I have to call someone? The police? NASA?
What if it was too late? Astronomers must have known this was happening – maybe they didn’t tell anyone because they knew no one could stop it and didn’t want to cause mass panic.
This was it. We were all going to die.
At this point I was crying pretty hard, I mean major snot and tears here. I ran to my bed and hid under the covers (my go-to move for all impending doom situations).
Then another thought occurred to me: what if no one knows but me? And I’ve not told anyone, maybe I could have prevented this if I’d called the police or NASA instead of crying into my pillow.
The entire Earth was going to be destroyed and it was all my fault.
I was thinking about calling my parents to say goodbye but was so emotionally exhausted that I did actually fall asleep whimpering under the covers. You can imagine my embarrassment upon waking up to find the Earth and moon still intact.
When I look back at this night, the scariest part for me isn’t the fact that my brain believed the bloody moon was falling down, it was the realisation of just how inflated my ego can get; I literally felt responsible for the death of the entire world, all due to some prickly emotions and a powerful imagination.
Thank you, brain.