Settle in, kids! It’s time to get educated!
I’ve had a few reactions to my blog and I’m fortunate enough that they’ve all been good. They are usually well-wishes or pieces of advice which I genuinely believe come from a place of kindness and helpfulness. You should all know that I’m thankful for these.
However, there is something fundamentally off about some of the advice I’ve been getting, which is that people seem to be working under the assumption that I will “get better”. Let me tell you a very important thing about BPD.
It’s permanent. From the many, many mental health professionals I’ve seen in my life so far, none have been entirely certain what causes BPD, but all could agree that it’s not going anywhere. This is how my brain is wired – it will go away when my brain falls out. Even though this sounds incredibly futile this fact has actually brought me an immense amount of comfort; understanding that I can’t be cured has helped me to learn the rules of the game. We’ve spent some quality time together, BPD and I, and we’ve reached an understanding that’s not only helping me to cope but to actually avoid living in a pit of self-wallowing despair. BPD is my permanent roommate.
Now I need YOU guys to understand that.
Even though it sounds helpful, when you give me pieces of advice that include words such as “while you’re working through your difficulties” or “a rough patch right now”, all you’re actually doing is perpetuating the idea that I will get better, when I won’t.
I AM better. This is what better looks like. And I’m fine with that! We all have different versions of being alive, this is mine.
But there is a darker side to this kind of advice, and that is what happens when I don’t get better in the way people think I will. I can’t ask people to bear with me while I sort through some difficulties, because I am the difficulty. The difficulty will not go away, my issues will always be my issues, even on a good day. What will these people do when in two or three years I’m still struggling with the same thing?
In my experience, they get frustrated. Why aren’t you dealing with this better? Why are you still overwhelmed? Have you not been taking my advice? This not a temporary state. It’s completely okay for you to want to invest time and energy into helping me, unless you are expecting an end result.
Sorry guys, I’m already the end result. And I’m cool with it.